170410 – Day 100 – Back to the light

Well obviously this weekend was a trainwreck. I got caught up in all the events and opinions surrounding the terror attack and got swallowed up by the political monster again. It’s been three days of horrors, extreme emotions, lots of ragey social media posts, and really bad things. Last night it went back to normal.

Honey allowed me three days, and now I’m back on the right side of the track. Focusing on magick, spirituality. Love. Just today I got two new tarot decks. They are absolutely gorgeous, and hopefully good to work with. I will take pictures of them later. I am very happy. Also, despite the fact I love my old ones, it’s a new phase, and I need some new things that I can imbue with the spirit of this age.

In the nineties, when I worked with this, it was a different age. Everything was more innocent and less complicated. Now it’s dark and dramatic and it’s all a struggle. However, I have sweetheart, I have magick, I have my spirituality and my curiosity to never stop learning. I have so many things within myself. I just need to rein it all in and stop letting my emotions destroy me. Stop getting carried away with negativity. Just keep all the passions, but rein them in, focus them, control them. Control myself.

That is really what it is all about. That is the core of my problem. Whether physical, emotional or psychological, I tend to not have a stop mechanism. I go through the wall at every turn. So rituals, habits, things like that are essential to me. Which is why I try to implement them.

Last night we listened to the first Unslaved podcast again. And I got it. I think it was the fourth time listening to it, and the light finally lit up. Sometimes I’m a bit slow, but better late than never, right? They speak, somewhat veiled, about being worthy of the information (not theirs specifically, but spiritual knowledge), to make changes in your life and be more aware of what you are doing, what you are putting in your body, what you take into yourself. How you treat your body, how you treat yourself. etc.

In other words, exactly what I have become acutely aware of these past few months and what I am really making a final effort to fix. That felt pretty good, hearing that advice from people I like and admire.

Anyhow, at work now again, and skipping politics, so back on track. I also finally bought shoes, so no more nagging about that. And it’s spring and getting warm enough to walk without feeling uncomfortable. All is good. Except for Islamists.

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170407 – And there it came.

Terror attack in my country this afternoon. The ones who have eyes to see with saw it coming a mile away. Mourning for the dead, cursing the impotent traitor politicians that allowed this to happen.

170407 – A little hiatusss

Yeah, been sick this week so haven’t really had time or energy for much. But last night I went into some kind of weird freakish hellmode and cleaned the house, set up my altar and started making covers for my notebooks. XD I have so many disorders.

Just had kind of flu like symptoms, I believe enhanced by stress. Better now. So I’ll be in touch shortly.

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170401 – Keep on dancing, all you fools

Taking inventory of March. I did pretty well. Definately better than February. I’ve been implementing more things I want to make routine, and it has made me feel much better. I’ve been writing more, and the month concluded in euphoria when I finally re-established my old magickal mystickal spiritual cult-sect-religion. So yeah, pretty happy with myself, and where I am and where I’m heading.

Haven’t been writing much the past week, mostly due to having an apprentice at work. That means I haven’t had access to my computer cause I’ve been teaching him on it, so I haven’t really had time to do what I usually do. In addition to this, when I’ve been at home they have been renovating the neighbours apartment, and I have basically not even been able to take a fucking bath without screaming. My stress rash is wreaking havoc in my face because of this, and I haven’t been able to have one calm fucking moment. Hopefully this coming week will be better. My creativity is not in peak form when someone is drilling into my brain with sick powertools.

My only contribution to April Fools was a post on my fb saying “Sweden has never been more safe!”
Most won’t even get it. Some will though. The smart ones.

Spending weekend with honey. Have it lovely. Talk soon.

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170328 – Distractions begone.

People are starting to say I seem happier. The absence of politics is showing. This is good. Been trying to study this morning but the constant drilling in the neighbour’s apartment makes it very hard to concentrate. I hope that renovation is done soon. Listening to a show about Atlantis and skimming books. At work I’might teaching a guy the ropes so no time for study there. He’s nice though and very gay. Now it’s off to work again. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my shrink. 

170327 – Not just another Monday. 

I just created my new Order. After contemplating names for over two months, I finally concluded that I already had it.

In 1992 I created an Order with my then best friend. She since betrayed me in the most horrid way, but when we parted I said “I’m claiming the name and the works of the order”. She said “take it, I don’t give a fuck.”

Well, it’s been dormant, for almost twenty years now, but I am picking it up again. I spent the morning trying to find a good name, and it just came to me, I already HAVE a good name. It is originally inspired from one of Gilbert Williams’ paintings of Lemuria, and it no longer has the stains of the inauthentic person that was once associated with it. I feel content with this name.

I did some Gematria calculations and some research, and yeah, this is the right day and the right name, for sure. Finally. That was the last puzzle piece I needed. At the moment I’m cursing the fact that I have to work today, I want to keep pouring over these books and all this inspiration is just flowing through me.

It’s not that it’s a cult. Cause it’s not. I mainly say that for the hilarity. It’s just a name to collect everything else under. Like a project name or something. You know. It feels better to have a collective name for all my spiritual and magickal research. And now I do. I’ve been creating logos and seals and if I have time I will collate some astrological data too. I’m really happy about this.

I will also get my steps in today.

The morons are still drilling holes in the neighbours apartment.

I have signed up for a premium membership at Unslaved.com.

Over and out.

170325 – Sabato

Was going to go into the city, but I missed the bus and now I don’t wanna go anymore. I have more to do today anyway, I have all the time in the world to go, i can wait til tomorrow or even Monday to buy what I want to buy.

Yesterday I arrived at the conclusion that Tolkien was a prophet, and that my kitchen will be Grey and Yellow. I need to look up the meanings of those colors. Tonight we are going out for Tapas and wine, that will be pretty nice. Now we’re off to exercise a bit. 🙂

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170324 – Nightly Musings

So, after the latest terror attack, I’m getting my shit together again, avoiding the news.

I wrote that reply to my boss, about how disappointed I was that she’s leaving but I hope she’ll be happier in the next place. It was all too good to be true anyway, a caring constructive boss, who has ever heard of such a thing.

I got my paycheck and already ordered some ridiculously expensive stuff lol.

I quit in three hours. Weekend is finally here. I will go home and snuggle with sweetheart. Friday will be all about cleansing. Apartment, body, soul, shift sleepschedule, drink stupid amounts of wine, have fun and do dishes (yes, it’s possible in the right company)

Saturday, when everything is clean and lovely, I will create. We’ll go out in the evening and have some lovely food and drink.

Sunday will be about the soul, and stocking up.

During the weekend I will also buy shoes, finally. Which is a good. 😀

Coworker badass awesomedude came by an hour ago and smoked with me. He was gonna leave some stuff for someone tomorrow, something he bought for another guy at work. I wish he wasn’t everything he is. He scrambles my brain everytime I see/talk to/work with/smoke with/snipe at him. TF. Serious TF. Very annoying. Two years now. Two fucking years.

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