170319 – Nighttime after Olympia

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One thing has become abundantly clear this weekend. I need to get away from politics. I have been so immersed in it for so long. I went from a fucking commie to (almost) a fucking nazi, I’ve been in every fractal of the political spectrum, always with everything I had, burning and fighting for what I believed in. Then I met a man who sobered me up and made me back off and reevaluate things, and now I’m just sick of everything. I still have strong and principled beliefs, but they are realistic nowadays, and based on facts and figures and what I see myself in real life. Not on fears and rumours and strange theories.

I have been so happy this weekend. Away from all the shit I can not influence. Our politicians are destroying every little thing about our country, we are unsafe, unprotected, and we are having rights and things we’ve taken for granted taken away from us on a daily basis. The journalists are working against us, together with the dictators (yes, you heard me) which means that the majority of the people are still sleeping, still buying what they claim, still believing the pink reality they want us to believe. And I can not change this.

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And when I got home, from being so happy, feeling so safe, not having a worry in the world, this all comes crashing down on me again, and I get this physical fucking pain in my stomach. I am unfollowing facebook accounts. I am cleaning out youtube from subscriptions to certain accounts. I can’t do this to myself anymore. Politics has been part of my identity for quite a while now, and I find it incredibly interesting, especially since so much is at stake these days, and since I can see the change in my own society from day to day, but I can’t. I am switching this out.

I am still going to keep myself informed by one show or so, just so I know what is going on, but that is it. I will not be bogged down and depressed by this shit anymore. I don’t need to hear about a new gangrape of an innocent woman every day to understand that this country is fucked. And the frustration of trying to explain reality to people who only read about dieting tips in the newspapers, because they live in nice priviliged areas (for a while longer) and don’t get subjected to it. It’s just all too much. I don’t want to live in fear and depression because of this anymore.

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The life I still have to live, I want to live it in the happiness I can still experience. I want to learn, read, be enlightened, find more love, more light, more health, feel good in myself inside and out, and this ONLY brings me down. So I will replace it. With good things. Spirituality. Creativity. Exercise.

Because the fact is, constantly being afraid, and thinking the end will come if not today, then tomorrow, or I can get raped going to the store, or I can get stabbed on the way to work, etc, it makes me smoke more, it makes me eat more, it makes me walk less. Cause what is the point? If my days are fucking numbered, why not smoke, eat and play wow, at least I’m happy in the moment.

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Just no. I will not give in to this. Then they will have already won. So fuck them. You can destroy my country and rob us of everything we and our forefathers have created, built, shed blood and tears over, what my parents have paid for several times over with the 70% tax you implement on everything we earn. Just give it all away, and let us beg for scraps. I will still have my soul. And I will still burn. Because I know. I know what is right, and what is wrong. And I know what is Good. And what is Evil. And one day. One day.

Until then, I will live my life to the best of my ability, and become the best I can be. In every field that interests me. I will take full advantage of my brilliant mind, my intuition, and all my inspiration. And you. You will burn. Eventually.

This afternoon was spent sorting music. Making a new mp3 playlist. The one I spoke of last week. I have a few items left to put on there, but most of it is done. When I get home, I’ll wind down, eat something, watch an ep of Mr Robot, and go to bed. Tomorrow when I wake, I will take a walk, and then study. Be gone negativity. Welcome vibrancy and life.

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