170315 – Strange encounters

Weird. I never interact with people I don’t know. I tend not to like people when I’m alone and I hide behind glasses and my mp3-player and my phone. I don’t want contact with people and I don’t seek it. I basically discourage it in any way I can. When I’m with a friend, or with babe, it’s another story, I don’t mind then, cause my social phobia and my fear of other humans disappear pretty much when I feel protected by someone else who is “on my side”.
Today I went to buy a pack of smokes, and the teller hit on me. Again. “Why haven’t you called me”. I was like newly awake, and a thing that comes with social phobia is that we don’t really want to antagonize and cause conflict, so I mumbled something about working all the time. If my friend or my bf had been there, I probably could have told the truth, which is “I have no interest in you, I have never showed any interest in you and I will never call you”, but then I can never go there again when I’m alone.

I guess that’s a reason to completely stop smoking…

Then at the busstop, the local alcoholic came and thought it was an awesome time to chat. Now, he’s the friendly type so I’m not scared of him or anything, it’s just kind of annoying cause I really don’t want to talk to anyone. I have no interest in other people really. And my fathers alcoholism has made my view on alcoholics very complex and disturbed. Anyway, it didn’t kill me to talk to him, so I did. Hopefully it gave him something to have a casual chat for ten minutes.

Now at work, feeling void of any joy. Need something good. Wanna go home.

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