170223 – Jealousy, disappointment, and the art to rise above it (which I am still trying to master…)

Happy birthday Brunei and Guyana, it’s your national days today I hear. 😀

This is a strange and fucked up day, just trying to keep my emotions in check to be honest, and it’s going…well, it’s going. I think the Universe is just having some fun with me as usual.
So it started off with me opening my phone this morning, in bed, another reason not to have your phone in the bedroom, and seeing something I didn’t want to see.
Now, if I had been awake, I would have viewed it in a more critical manner, source checking, all that, but I didn’t, I was just awake and stupid and vulnerable and flew into a fucking jealousy fit.

cover

This is NOT the way to start the day off.
After being calmed down for approximately two hours by an incredible fucking angel that I don’t deserve, things were better and I saw things more clearly, and trust me, I was stupid.

At work, we have a so called coworker that never works, and now she has gotten a special schedule which means that my two few weeks that I usually get to work with my fave coworker are now destroyed. He changed shifts cause she had to have his. The rage. Just. The rage. Thing is, this so called coworker has pissed everyone off for years, everyone is justifyably irritated with this person, I have kept a cool head for pretty long. No more. Now it affects me personally. So I flew into a total ragefit, problem is I have noone to share it with because I never get to work with the people I wanna talk to here. It’s very annoying.

140b8b4ac0ce2e4b539314bb891e00c0

To top it off, we just had a storm of shit to do piling up over our heads, and as usual we are undermanned. This is not a good day. I should check fucking conjunctions and shit, cause this is a bad fucking day to be a scorpio.

I have tried in the past, and I will try again, to think that I have no friends at work, cause even if I fucking adore this guy so much that it hurts, he obviously doesn’t appreciate my company in the same way. I will have to try to distance myself from him emotionally, but it’s so fucking hard. Cause everytime we talk, we connect so much. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the phrase “Twin Flames”, but he’s the one that fits that perfectly for me.

ce6adecf228f4ffcdb6fcaeb3d5767a7

And it’s all very frustrating. Not in a romantic way, but in like every other way. I just would love to have him in my life on a permanent basis, there’s just something that clicks so fucking loud. Like a really close friend or something. And I know he likes me, he shines up when he sees me, we have awesome, deep conversations, but he’s constantly taking a step back when he gets too close. It’s very weird. And it hurts. So I will take measures to try to detangle myself from it, whatever it is.

My hopes for this evening is just a good nights sleep when I get home. Tomorrow is payday. And I just long for my sweetheart, I’d like to just crawl into his arms and be hugged til I die or something.

augustine-4

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: