170207 – Legs, Stress, Prizes

Okey then, my legs are in total revolt mode now, but hopefully they are calming down, it feels a bit better than yesterday.

Currently at work, listening to a podcast, and working my ass off as we are undermanned yet again, we fucking always are. It’s very fucking annoying.

My legs. I guess it started maybe 20 years ago? I have no concept of when/how/why, but I know it wasn’t tied to anything specific. I went to bed one day, and when I woke up my lower legs were three times the size they were when I went to bed. Lower legs and feet. Just extremely swollen. Now, I am guessing that it went away, the way it usually does, and I didn’t think more of it.

However, this is recurring. Once, a summer five years ago or so, it was extremely hot, and they basically felt like they would just burst. Just imagine all of a sudden your legs that are usually normal, suddenly swell up as fucking balloons or something, and you don’t know why. This is what it’s been like. I went to the emergency room cause I just felt that this isn’t fucking right. No pain, nothing like that, just impossible to like wear shoes or pants, cause nothing fucking fits all of a sudden. And of course they are extremely heavy and you feel completely handicapped.

They ran every fucking test in the book on me, and had no idea what it was. They were scared I would have or get bloodclots or something, but that wasn’t it. At all. I was completely healthy, all my values were tip top. They gave me some medicine to drive the water out of the legs, but I didn’t respond to it at all. So no luck. I have no allergies or anything like that either, so everyone was just…weirded out. They even put me in one of those MRA things and scanned everything but couldn’t find any problems.

So that’s the way it’s been. Since I started working here and found my Sherlockian workmate, we have kind of narrowed it down a bit. White food (you know the bad stuff, wheat, flour, potatoes, sugar, things like that) seem to have an effect. When he changed me over to rye bread all the way, they were much better for much longer. So that helps. But it’s not ONLY that.

Sometimes I can eat wheat and nothing happens, sometimes I can look at wheat and they swell up. I think that it’s stressrelated aswell. I mean, I have been pretty fucking stressed out lately. And I’ve been changing up a lot of things in my life. I think that they react to that. It’s easy to see it as my body just working against me at times, like hey I’m trying to start exercising here, and eating healthy, so why the fuck are you adding 30 kgs to my lower legs, it doesn’t exactly help me…and they are warm and red, almost like there would be some horrible infection in there, but this is the way it always is. And suddenly it will just go away again and be normal, so…

Also, I do react enormously to stress and negative energy. I can get tummy sickness and actually throw up, I can get pretty high fevers etc just from being stressed and sad. So…yeah. That’s happening. I just wanted to explain it, cause I might be nagging about my fucking legs now and then.

I’m happy though, cause this has caused me not to be interested in shoes whatsoever. High heels aren’t interesting anyway for me since I’m 6 foot long and don’t want to walk in shit that hurt my feet, but this has made me totally uninterested in shoes as a fashion statement. I prefer docs. Docs are good. And fucking awesome with cute stockings.

However. (And I’m not really sure why I posted those girls, I was looking for pics of legs and they looked so happy and healthy and nice, so deal with it. )

My books have arrived, yeyyyy 😀 And I’m feeling pretty good. I still walk and eat pretty well, and try to sleep my seven hours a night, and it’s going well. I am still working on getting away from the politics, and being creative, and chilling on my own without breaking down. I think this whole podcast craze has a lot to do with the fact that it feels good to have someone talking around me when I’m alone. Like company. I hate feeling alone. But this is something I work on and I think about it all the time.

Amir won prizes yesterday again, so it’s all good.

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