170130 – Mares

 

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Nightmares, to be specific. I forgot to take my patch off and have spent the night witnessing beheadings, gangrapes and the kicking of cats. Lovely. Lovely world we live in where I actually know what things like this look like too.

So it’s ten to three, and I’m up. In about ten minutes, I will go into the kitchen for my new Morning Ritual. See? I’m actually fucking doing it, see? XD

I’ll publish it here when I get it down so I feel it’s the one to go with. It involves breakfast, music, reading, etc.

At the moment, watching “this week in stupid” with Sargon of Akkad on youtube. I seriously need to cut away politics, it is making me so fucking fucked up. I woke up wanting to write letters and reach out to Millennial Woes and Stefan Molyneux, and I think that might actually do me good, write these long long letters where I can just spew out everything that is bottled up, locked up, inside of me. All the fears, all the abuse, all the insecurities involved in living in a country where during my lifetime we have gone from not locking your door to I don’t dare take a walk in the dark.

And it’s dark quite a lot in Sweden. And I would really love to walk to work in the morning, but it’s pitch black and with the number of gangrapes, there’s no way. And what happens when you report rape here? Nothing. The suspects are let go and you don’t get shit, except maybe a “racist” stamp if you’re lucky. It’s so insane.

And in the schools, we have a generation of swedish preteens growing up thinking it’s normal being sexually molested and called a swedish whore every day. And the adults look the other way, noone deals with the problem. Cause hey, they might be called racist, and that’s worse than selling out a twelve year old girl. Or a couple of hundred thousand.

We have seniors living in containers (god, trust me, I wish I was exaggerating) while the invaders (yeah, cause these are not refugees, ever heard of the Geneva convention) get free apartments in the middle of our capital.

Our leaders, so called, sold us out. Sold us out to no end. They are disgusting traitors, both to the land and the people. They will get theirs.

Meanwhile, I am trying to get away from all this info as much as I can, so that I can muster a smile, feel a little bit bright, and live my life the best way I can. I am trying to work on my health and getting my every day life to match up without getting horribly depressed and just give up. I am really really trying. It’s hard though, when you are surrounded by it every fucking day. All of it. All of it.

I will focus on getting better. Stronger. Faster. Harder. I will focus on bettering myself. Lose weight, maybe learn to fight. I am really getting interested in Krav Maga to be honest. I will first lose some weight and continue with this schedule, which is by the way, giving me more energy, more creative spark, more of everything good. I will publish my schedule this week hopefully, I just want to feel it a bit more and see if I should tweek something. I work shifts too, so it’s a bit different week to week.

The weekend has been good, despite all my worrying and horrors. We’ve had a beautiful dinner with friends, a beautiful breakfast with friends, and we had a partynight aswell full of music and wine. Now I just want the next weekend to come around, even before the week has started. That’s not a good starting point, I need to just go with the flow really and just…enjoy the ride. Enjoy every minute. Try to see the beauty in every second (he said this)

I retorted with ” yeah, cause it might literally be seconds, in this fucking country ”

Just to show you my state of mind. The state of mind I am desperately trying to change. I need to become more positive, because this is killing me. Although it’s hard, here.

I will try.

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