170115 – Weekend wasted

Right, haven’t done anything productive at all, just had fun, been eating way too much and I’ve been smoking.
However, just got to work, slapped a nicotine patch on my ass and getting my shit back together. Actually sweating from all the bad food and drink I’ve had this weekend. However. Now smokefree. For real. No alternatives. It helps that I work night this week, all alone, and won’t get any influences from anyone at all. At midnight, I’ll get my fitbit on aswell, and tomorrow morning when I get home, there’s a weigh-in happening.

Currently watching youtube videos, having my last couple of hours of bullshit before serious shit starts happening. I really really want this now.  Seriously. 

I have a necklace, a silver necklace, that I got four new pendants for. A crystal, a pentagram, a star of david and an ankh. My friend at work obviously bought separators for me, pretty faceted white pearls so that I can separate them on the chain. I love her. She is such a lovely girl, struck with bad luck and sickness. Can’t believe she cared that much to be honest, I need to reevaluate. Not constantly think that noone fucking gives a shit about me. All has to do with the headspace, mine has been negative for long enought. Positivity is entering though.

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So, why these pendants? Crystal cause, protection, healing, spirituality, third eye, all that. Pentagram cause hello, witch. Star of David cause judaism is interesting to me and I’m deeply into kabbalah. Also bf is a jew. Ankh because very mysterious. I half buy into the myth of the Annunaki, don’t know if it’s cause I genuinely believe in it or because it’s so fucking alluring and mysterious, but I have heard a lot of very credible sources say things about that that’s not super easy to dismiss, so I entertain the idea. Alternatively the key of life, Egypt, Thoth, all that. Whatever version, I like it.

Trying to decide on wow chars I should focus on on my different servers. Since being thrown out of my superduper tolerant openminded LGBT-whatever guild because I didn’t think exactly like them and had the same opinions (fascist fucks), I got back to my roots and tracked down my old wow-friends and joined their guild with my main. However, serverhopping with my main is fine, that’s worth it. Not paying for the other 20 chars though, so I deleted them, and remade them all. Currently have 100 chars on 4 rp-servers, and am having to rebuild.

I have to admit I really like it though, I love warcraft. I love the lore, the land, the npcs, the questing, the arching, the everything, so not really a chore, just annoying to chose which characters to focus on, cause I love them all. lol. Yeah. I’m guessing you see why I seriously have to limit my time on wow. Which will be done. BF suggested one hour a day, and more on weekends (if he doesn’t find us anything better to do…)

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I think I have to follow his lead. To get anything done. Cause time goes fast in  wow man, so so fast…and all of a sudden you have to go to bed, and ow.

Another thing is gym. Yep. From midnight, I will have goals every day. Gym is preferable, because I need to work on my muscles. I need to get some strength back in my back and arms and legs. I will also walk there, since the black fucking I WANNA KILL YOU -ice is still on the roads here. I will not break my legs. So three days a week – gym. The other days, I will walk 10 k steps (somewhere where there is no ice) OR do ballet, OR, worst case scenario, do my bike thing. I hate my horrible bike thing.

It was assembled by my only (so far) live-in boyfriend, that abused me physically and psychologically for four years and that I was scared to death of. I am still living on minimum wage trying to pay back loans that he made me take for him. So no, no love for the fucking bike. As soon as I can afford a company to come take away my trash it’s gone.

Also, writing. Been wracking my brain (wracking??!) all weekend, trying to find pages  I know I have written that I can not find, so I will probably start anew. I have the beginning 20 pages saved, but I feel I should start from scratch, cause it’s been so long since I wrote. BF agreed.

Also, gonna track progress via my excellent new calendar. Will have to take pics of that, it’s so pretty. And via fitbit software of course, and also I’ll try to jot something down before bed, and also have my project in the livingroom, ongoing. Creative space. Painting, sketching, writing, thinking up new marvellous symbols, studying magick, etc. Two hours to go now, and my coffee is cold.

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I will have to have some kind of idea beforehand what I will eat for the day. Not like now, just grab the closest crap and whatever takes the least amount of time and effort. Not good. I have bunked up with veggies and stuff to make thai food with. Asian cuisine will be big at home now, always so fucking tasty, easy to make great, and you can put an incredible amount of veggies into it, and it still tastes great.

 

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